T-hee v/s Teehee

A fellow criminal, Unantha, has spewed out something else from his devilish workshop called Lucifer Labs (also known as the brain) and has chosen to call it 'Teehees'.

Now I don't know the gent very well but in case he has plans to launch it as a brand, I'd not-so-humbly and rather vehemently suggest he call it 'T-hees'.

Here's a quick why: 'T-hee' is a superior traffic stopper. 'T-hee' alludes in a more smart-alecky manner to the product category. And 'T-hee' is a punnier, typier take on 'teehee'.

And before you tee hee at me for my take on his 'teehee', hear what the world's most superior and most objectified parameters have to say about them. Here. (Or else, research.)

T-hee
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 7/10
Übertotal: 28/40

Teehee
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 6/10
Urlabilty: 4/10
Übertotal: 22/40

27th state v/s Story meme

A name like '27th State' demonstrates the value of the need for a story in every new name. Anybody who reads a name like '27th State' will wonder what it means. That, my friend, is one of the most important things a good name must do. And the value of that little known Übermeter called 'Story meme'.

To check out what the '27th State' looks like and the story meme behind it, go here.

Incidentally, something else you will find there is a great name for a range of ironic T-shirts, called 'T-Hee'. No, the name was not coined by me but if somebody asked me, I'd say 'T-Hee'.

Spelling v/s Spellng

An interesting, easy, fun and unusual way to come up with a unique brand name is to play with spellings.

It's a proven fact that people recognise words even if they are spelt wrong. (An award-winning and very memorable commercial has been done demonstrating this effect.) Furthermore, people tend to remember words better when they are spelt wrong.

If you want to come up with a brand name that alludes to a particular product category or common quality or generic feature, try spelling it wrong enough for it to be perceived the right way; kinda like how I have in the headline to this post.

A great example of a memorable product that is read the right way despite the wrong spelling is FCUK. Shown below is a quantified, objectified and scientified example of what I am yammering on about. For the rest of my case, FCUK off.

FCUK
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 8/10
Übertotal: 29/40

FUCK
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 0/10
Übertotal: 20/40

Etsy v/s eBay v/s Sex

There, now that we've got your attention with the 's' word, time to get down to the prosaic business on hand; before we lose your ADD addled attention again.

The Name Inspector has done a post on Etsy and missed out a very important reason Etsy is working but is not like eBay; sex.

Etsy is not competing with eBay because it has chosen not to. Smartly enough. Etsy is not in the same space as eBay. Etsy is not talking to the people eBay is. What Etsy is doing is trying to segment the e-selling space and go after people who aren't as e-savvy as eBay users; mostly women.

This marketing tack (and fact) will be borne out by research, which will prove that eBay has more male users than female and vice versa. This is also why the Etsy site has softer colours, easier navigation and a more fluid design aesthetic; for women.

Etsy works well for its audience because it's a female name. Names have sexes and eBay is male. Etsy is the eBay for handmade goods, which tend to be made by and indulged in by the female of the species; not because they are inherently better at it but because they just happen to have more time on their hands to.

What does this little discussion teach us about the naming game? Nothing more significant than this: It makes sense to consider the sex of the name you're plumpng for, keeping in mind the sex of your primary target audience.

Quick demo: The 'ee' sounding 'Y' in Etsy make it, like, girly. The 'way'-sounding eBay is utilitarian and functional; in other words, more male. An Überwhite paper with male and female pictures in multiple colours will be made available if and when demanded for, nicely.

Etsy
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 7/10
Übertotal: 26/40

eBay
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 7/10
Übertotal: 26/40

Addendum: Nobody wins this war because they don't happen to be fighting each other. Ta da!

Übernamer v/s Übernamiam

So why did I go and, thrice again, change the name of my Über naming company from Übernamiam to Übernamer? For those of you who think the reasons for doing so are obvious, stop. And for those of you who don't and would like to be gently enlightened on this virally important matter, here goes.

The thing about Übernamiam is it sounds too much like Übermaniam. The second thing about Über/namiam is it needs a visual separator (as demonstrated) to communicate the product it's marketing. The third thing about Übernamiam is research showed that it's not better than Übernamer.

The name I have corrected myself to and opted for is simpler to spell, easier to read, says 'super namer' and will not be confused with anything else more complicated like 'titanium', 'plutonium' or 'subramaniam'. Nicer still, it's just as unique a name as Übernamiam and continues to communicate, rather well, that it comes from the House of Übermaniam.

All of which pretty much sums up how you should dissect, debate and pick a name from a set of myriad options I will present you with, the next time you come to me with your naming problems. See, how flexible I am. Now isn't that what you'd like from your branding solution provider? Thank you.

Übernamiam
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 7/10
Übertotal: 26/40

Übernamer
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 7/10
Übertotal: 28/40

QWERTYpie v/s Why I don't like QWERTYpie

A friend of mine asked me to think of some names for her website and the one, among a few others, I pushed for was QWERTYpie. Why not?

Yes, why not? For a change, let's look at why you shouldn't go with a name like QWERTYpie for a site about random musings, which is what most blogsites are anyway; except, of course, this rather serious, seminal and considered musing on the earth-shattering importance of names.

Well, after much hand-wringing and many mind-numbing jaunts into the myriad facets of namingnomics, I can't think of a single reason why not. Can you?

Meanwhile, if you'd like to read a polemically daunting analyses on the merits, and demerits (if any), of the Übername, please write to me with generous offers of money, real estate, stock options and TLC. We'll take it from there.

QWERTYpie
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 5/10
Übertotal: 26/40

Addendumb: Thanks to my naming counter Tate the Thingnamer, I was exposed to some of the other ways in which Qwertypie may not work quite as well as, say, QWERTYpie. And so, I've incorporated a few adjustments, which will make it a more workable naming solution. Back to you.

Names v/s Names with taglines

A lot of people don't do taglines because they force you to capture the essence of your product in a few words. Taglines are good because audiences want to be told what's important in double quick time. Taglines are an efficient way to maximise scarce advertising resources. Taglines give your brand name and logo a story, which helps people remember things better. So why do some people say taglines are pointless? Because they are hard to do. If something is hard to do, the first thing people will do is try and do away with it.

Does this mean taglines are a must? No. You don't need a tagline if your name tells a story, but it helps. Besides, if you're only going to consider names that tell a complete story you are eliminating a lot of unusual and memorable naming combinations from the mix (Example: The Name Inspector v/s Übernamer v/s Brandnama). Instead, consider both sets of branding directions. Look at names that tell stories without taglines and others which can be buttressed with a tagline.

Taglines talk about your philosophy without launching into reams of philosophy. Taglines can help differentiate you from the competition with a few carefully chosen words. Taglines advertise your pedigree. A good way to decide whether your name needs a tagline or not is to consider the leading names in your segment and see whether they have taglines. If they do, there must be some merit in it. Here's a simple thumb rule for taglines: If you're a new entrant, you're better off with a tagline.

Cliche v/s The Daily Unusual

In the creative field, one of the things we, rather desperately, steer clear of is cliche. The reason for this aversion is that judgements in this business are, first, made on how original your ideas are, or aren't and then on how practical they might be. But, sometimes, this obsession with being creative can be damaging. Very.

Cliche has certain advantages; the greatest of which is familiarity. When you know something, you don't have to be told what it stands for. And if you have to come up with a name for a product , it might not be such a bad idea to carefully look at a name that sounds cliched. The Melting Pot is one such name.

Most people in the advertising business will tell you that The Melting Pot is a run-of-the-mill name to go with for an organisation that offers a range of creative services. They will also tell you that it's the first name that comes to mind; something creative people are absolutely against plumping for because they've been brought up on a diet of constantly trying to come up with ego-swelling ideas of startling originality. (Not always such a good thing to strive for.)

Yes, you must try and do something people haven't done before. But, you must not get caught up with always trying to be different. You need to find the middle ground. You cannot let your ego drive a business decision. The danger of letting it do so is that such a decision might end up being impractical. And that's why you need research.

If you're stuck between trying to decide whether to go with a name that is clutter-breakingly original and something that's not, research it. At the end of the day, it matters less what you think of your name than what your target audience thinks of it. What you need to be careful of, though, is making sure you're researching it properly.

For example, if your name is unfamiliar, make sure it has a tagline. (Taglines are a very important part of the branding mix.) Consider what your name will look like in a logo - after a while, names become design elements. Think about how easy it is to type your name as a url; if it is hard to spell out, stay away from it.

All this to say, The Melting Pot might not be such a bad idea, after all, when compared with a name like Bhelpourri, Missmash or Mixed Fruit Jam. How bad or how good an idea it is, research will tell you.

Incidentally, if you need some brand related research to be done, do get in touch with us. We do it well and our reports are beautifully written, well compiled and generously embellished with colourful bar charts, pictures and wise aphorisms. Not to mention in an universally accessible pdf file formatted for power points.

The Melting Pot v/s Mixed Fruit Jam v/s Miss Mash v/s Bhelpourri

Now nobody asked me for a name but somebody I know is starting a company and has decided to call it The Melting Pot. Lovely, albeit rather basic, name.

Some of the other names I would have considered throwing into the research mix for this product concept would have been Mixed Fruit Jam, Miss Mash and Bhelpourri, to name just three I have had the pleasure of cooking up in the last 5 minutes.

The question, though, is why put in the effort to check out more names and see how they compare with the chosen one? Because the first product that comes up when you google the words 'melting pot' is a restuarant and the dotcom extension is not available.

In this day and age of integrated marketing you need a name that can be snared as a url, also. And as people who have been good enough to read some of the naming-principles I have been yammering on about for the past few months know, urls are very play to get unless they happen to be multilingual compound words.

That said, how does Melting Pot stack up against the others I have taken the enthu-cutletness to suggest? A detailed pdf'ed white paper on all the matters that matter will follow, once the payment, the request for one and the investment comes.

Readers may note that I have added another Übermeter to the mix, which I believe is a crucial decision-maker today. It's called the 'Urlability factor' and, as the name cleverly suggests, it's all about dotcom extension availability.

The Melting Pot
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 5/10
Übertotal: 24/40

Mixed Fruit Jam
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 6/10
Übertotal: 25/40

Miss Mash
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 6/10
Übertotal: 25/40

Bhelpourri
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 7/10
Urlabilty: 7/10
Übertotal: 28/40

Stupid v/s Simple

I was reading a web reaction to the name of a band I'm currently tripping all over called Postal Service. The person, I forget who, thought the name was stupid. I thought it was interesting. And then I thought to myself; if you had to choose between a stupid brand name and a simple one, which one would you go for?

I'd go for stupid. Simple is less likely to grab people by the eyeballs than stupid. People love to take a stand on something that appalls or makes them seem smart. People love to criticise. People are likely to pay more attention to something negative, over simple. It goes without saying, and thus is worth repeating, that stupid isn't something you should choose over smart.

And since everything marketable must be quantified, here's my Übermetric on this rather controversial, and subjective, matter. Interestingly enough, I've chosen to rate this war only on one parameter. For a properly pdf'ed white paper on this thoroughly researched and scientified subject, you are advised to invest some time in talking to me.

Stupid
Story meme: 7/10
Übertotal: 7/10

Simple
Story meme: 5/10
Übertotal: 5/10

Facebook v/s Friendster

I prefer the former. Even though, I've known about the latter for much longer. And no, I'm not a member of either. Note: Facebook continues to grow at a faster rate than Friendster. Think it might have something to do with the name? Yes.

Facebook gives me a face to remember the name with. A name like Facebook is a more efficient way to talk to people who remember faces better than names and also to people who remember names better than faces - because face is a powerful cue to build into a name.

People who aren't good with faces will remember the name and people who aren't good with names will remember the fact that it has a face in the name.

What I like about Friendster is that it uses the 'st' memory factor very well. Most names that have an 'st' grouped together will be more memorable than names that don't. (That's just the way the mind remembers things.)

Friendster is a pretty good name with more than a few memory cues built into it. That said, Facebook triumphs because in this highly visual age, a word like 'Face' just has a more powerful visual meme than the latter.

Smart analysis, eh? That's the thing about analyses, they're pretty damn easy to put together. It's the coming up with things worth analysing which is hard. And that's why you need a naming consultant who can give you a name or three worth analysing. Thank you.

Facebook
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 7/10
Übertotal: 20/30

Friendster
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 5/10
Übertotal: 18/30

Bagelsquares v/s Bagelbread

Thomas Squares is a company based in Albany, USA that came up with an innovation in the bagelspace in the form of square-shaped bagels. Initially, they named their product Thomas' Bagelsqaures but then decided to change it to Bagelbread. Let us try and understand why they felt the need to.

The thing about a name like Bagelsqaures is that it only focusses on the immediate change in the product. People exposed to the name Bagelsquares are likely to percieve it as little more than sqaure-shaped bagels. The probelm with this kind of perception is that it doesn't talk to people who aren't too enthused by bagels. What Bagelsquares doesn't do is use the intrinsic perception value in square-shaped bread products. Bagelbread on the other hand does that rather well.

Bagelbread talks to people who are into bagels and people who prefer bread. What a name like Bagelbread does is it expands the scope of the product by using the potential of the shape innovation to the maximum. What Bagelsquares doesn't do is plant the 'bread meme' in the minds of the buyers. It expects buyers to look at a square bagel and make the 'bread connection'. Consumers have too much going on in their lives to be able to make that kind of leap. A name that makes that leap for them is a smarter choice to go with.

Once people see the words 'bagel' and 'bread' in the name, they're open to experimenting with bagels, if they haven't in the past and are already thinking about the ways in which they can have the bagel like they are used to having their bread. What a name like Bagelbread does is it brings to bagels what bread has and to bread what bagels have. Bagels are more nutritious than bread. Bread is softer than bagels. Bagelbread is both. Way to go, Mr. Pankaj Talwar.

Bagelsquares
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 5/10
Übertotal: 18/30

Bagelbread
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 7/10
Übertotal: 20/30

Twitter v/s Thotpurge

When thinking of a url for this website, what if the creators had chosen to go with a name like 'Thotpurge'? The url is available. Thotpurge is in a similar ballpark. So why didn't they go with the latter?

Maybe the name never occured to them. And even if it did, it might have thrown up in searches as this very well-written blog. But 'Thotpurge' is only a blog. It's not a full-fledged site. So they could have taken the name and drowned the little thing out.

Perhaps they wanted a unique name. In which case, it makes complete sense to go with 'Twitter'. That said, I do believe 'Thotpurge' is a more memorable name than the one they plumped for. 'Thotpurge' has a powerful word like purge in it. It's also a more active word than 'Twitter'. What it isn't, is twitter.

Twittering is a different kind of activity from thotpurging. A twitter is chattier than a thotpurge. Twittering feels like a more casual thing to do than purging. Blogging is more like thotpurging. Twittering is closer to sharing. Purging feels like something you do without bothering about whether anybody is recieving your inputs or not. All this leads me to believe that's why the creator or 'twitter' chose to go with it.

I'm guessing the people behind 'twitter' wanted it to be a social activity site, a hangout, a chatroom of sorts. Purging is not that kind of thing. Purging is aggressive. Twittering is not. Interesting call. This naming business is a nuanced one, isn't it? Think about it. Carefully. Better still, leave it to me.

Twitter
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 7/10
Übertotal: 20/30

Thotpurge
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 5/10
Übertotal: 18/30

Agnostics v/s Believers

There are some very thoughtful people who have told me that they don't care to give much thought to names and naming matters. Blaiq is one of these people. He calls himself 'a naming agnostic'. What can I say to him?

First up, I've got to ask myself whether names really matter? After all, if you manage to make a good product and communicate the benefits of it well enough, it shouldn't matter what you call it, right? Perhaps.

On the other hand, if you don't have a memorable name, you start the marketing conversation on the backfoot. Consider the names we brand ourselves with? Why do human beings give it so much thought? Because names matter.

In this day and age when we are saddled with so much to process, it seems quite useful and necessary to have an introduction that registers easily. As the old adage goes, first impressions matter.

If you don't bother about what you call yourself, you're leaving people with too much to recall you with. What a distinct name does is amplify the effectiveness, or ineffectiveness, of whatever it is that you are communicating about yourself. Your brand.

Believe you me, names matter. Of course, they only matter so long as you think well about some of the other things that also matter in marketing conversations. And, sadly enough, most conversations nowadays are marketing conversations. But that's a different matter.

Language v/s Language

A good way to pick interesting brand names/words is to mine languages that are not from the country in which you plan to launch your brand. For instance, if you want to launch a brand of something in Europe, try and pick a name from Japanese.

One thing you must keep in mind, though, is make sure the word you pick from the other language doesn't mean something uncomplimentary. That's all.

A very ordinary word from a foreign language can sound rather unique and turn out to be very memorable to people elsewhere. This is a smart way to overcome 'local word fatigue'.

Happily enough, if you happen to be looking at launching a brand in the Indian market you don't have to look beyond national boundaries for foreign words. There are some 35-odd languages spoken in different parts of India that you can turn to for an exotic sounding brand word.

Just remember, after you pick your foreign words, that they ought to be evaluated on the Überscales to ensure they satisfy some of the basic, and universal, meters which make for long-lasting brand names.

No matter in which language, the brand name must still break up nicely around consonant and vowel sounds, roll of the tongue comfortably and have a story meme or two. At least.

Wordlab v/s Thingnamer v/s Namewire

What we have here are three of the more popular naming blogs in the blogosphere. So how good are they at what they do? The proof of the pudding would have to be in the self-naming. Well, let's get down and see where they stand when it comes to generating brand names for themselves. After all, if you can't come up with a decent name for yourself how good can you be at branding somebody else?

Wordlab, to me, sounds like a name for a word-generating application. It says little about names. What's nice about Wordlab, though, is that it says words, words and not much more than words. And since names are, first, words, Wordlab does own the thing that defines names. Fortunately for Wordlab, it comes from the House of Igor, the leaders in the branding space. Thanks to Igor, the demerits of the name Wordlab don't matter as much as they should. If Wordlab were a name for standalone naming company, they'd have a much harder time making a splash in this space.

Thingnamer is interesting and stands out because it drops the space between two more ordinary words. If you had to read 'Thingnamer' as 'Thing' and 'Namer' you wouldn't give it as much thought as you are likely to, minus the space. Minus the space, 'Thingnamer' becomes much more than just 'thing' and 'namer' and registers, at first, as something unknown, exotic and unusual; and in this space, first impressions count. A lot. I wonder whether Thingnamer would throw in the space between the words if he had to design a logo for himself? My humble advice would be not to. All that said, about Thingnamer, good call.

What about NameWire? Yes, what about NameWire? Well, it tries to do the same thing Thingnamer is doing by dropping the space between two very functional words but the effect isn't as memorable. Why so? Because NameWire comes across and looks like a normal sounding single word, unlike Thingnamer. (For instance, sorta like Limewire.) As a result, it doesn't make as much of an impression. Admittedly, NameWire isn't the name of the company and the logo does try and make the name stand out by presenting it as 'NameWire', with the words 'Name' and 'Wire' in different colours. Sadly, that's just too elementary a branding tactic. Even the parent company for the Namewire blog is an oh-so-dull 'Strategic Name Developement'. (I suspect their choice might have something to do with Google key words, but they could have done better. much, much better.)

So who wins this name war? Thingnamer. And yet, Thingnamer is not as interesting as, say Brandnama or, even, Brandaclaus. Learning: Portmanteau words work better as brand names. Not that any of that matters. At the end of the day, for whatever reason, all the three names being compared here have more clients than both Brandnama and Brandaclaus put together. Just goes to show, again, that a name is only a small part of the branding game. Unfortunately.

And guys, before you label me as a troll or jealous or dysfunctional or any such thing uncomplimentary, try honest and objective. Because all this is, is an evaluation based on certain scientifically devised Übermeters. Please don't take offence. As is evident, I'm too small a fry to make any difference to your already established credentials. Feel free to jump in and rip this post to shreds. The learning that will result from such an attack will be most welcomed by yours truly. Rest in pieces.

Wordlab
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 6/10
Übertotal: 18/30

Thingnamer
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 7/10
Übertotal: 20/30

NameWire
Stop-start scale: 6/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 5/10
Übertotal: 17/30

007s v/s Unpants

If I had to launch a brand of apparel what would I call it? One of the names I'd consider is 007s.

007s for apparel you can wear 7 days of the week. 007s because it's a number people are already aware of. 007s because Daniel Craig has done much to make 007 rugged, contemporary and cool again. Will I run into copywright issues? Hmm...

Another name I would consider, and probably drop, is 'Unpants' because, unfortunately, 'Unpants' is a name that's limited by the word 'pants'. That said, 'Unpants' is a pretty interesting thought. (Kinda like 'Uncola'.)

Then again, maybe I won't. Maybe 'Unpants' will manage what a brand like 'Pantaloon' has and overcome the limitations of the category word it carries within the name.

All thought-provoking names and all worth investing some thought, and research, into. What's more, both names lend themselves to some funtresting communication possibilities. (Very useful when you are considering a name for a new brand.)

Anyone looking to launch a new brand in the burgeoning off-the-shelf apparel space in India? There's more than the few where this came from. Meanwhile, I can't quite decide who wins this name war. Can you?

007s
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 7/10
Übertotal: 21/30

Unpants
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 7/10
Übertotal: 21/30

Glueteus Maximus v/s Stick Stick

After feeling like a doofus maximus for mistaking Brandnama's interesting name suggestion for a brand of glue stick to be for a brand of Post-its, here's my take for a fictitious-for-now brand war between two yet-to-be-born brands of glue sticks.

Now I do like, rather much, Brandnama's suggestion but I prefer mine for one reason more important than the fact that the name came from me. Indeed, GlueteusM and Stick Stick tote up equal scores on the three basic (and a few other) Überscales, but for one unquantifyable reason I'd stick my neck out and wager your not-so-considerable petrodollars on Stick Stick.

Why so? Two words, repetition. Long-lasting brand names feed off repetition. Stick Stick wins, only just, this brand war.

Point to be noted my jury: If you were launching a brand of premium glue sticks for smart people like Brandnama, GlueteusM would be the name to plump for. Unfortunately, glue sticks are a mass market product and intelligent puns of the GleuteusM kind are not likely to work with this audience. Stick Stick on the other hand is utterly low-brow and, happily enough, quite distinctive without being incomprehensibly discerning.

Readers who'd like to disagree with me are encouraged to get stuck into to my views and prove, inconclusively, how much more of a doofus maximus I am, here. Any takers?

Glueteus Maximus
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 6/10
Story meme: 7/10
Übertotal: 20/30

Stick Stick
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 6/10
Übertotal: 20/30

Post-it v/s Mind-it

Making a splash in a category owned by the pioneer in Post-its, Post-it, is going to take some doing. And doing so by going for a radical name is a great place to start. But how does one come up with a name that can displace the category owning Post-its from the consumer's mind? Well, if I were an Indian company and wanted to launch an alternate brand of Post-its in India, I might want to call it Mind-it.

What I like about mind-it is that it's close enough to the product benefit. What I also like about Mind-it is that Mind-it is already established as one of the most famous throwaway lines in popular culture in India. What I also, also like about Mind-it is that it's close enough to Post-it and will riff off the equity built by the undisputed leader brand.

Mind-it, in my mind, wins this hypothetical brand war. If anyone out there has a problem with Mind-it, now's the time to...well, speak your mind. Rest assured, I won't mind it.

Post-it
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 6/10
Übertotal: 20/30

Mind-it
Stop-start scale: 7/10
Long and Short cut: 7/10
Story meme: 7/10
Übertotal: 21/30

Übermeters v/s No meters

An old colleague, and new acquaintance, Iqbal (of Blaiq fame) suggested I put in place some parameters for comparing names. The belief is that these parameters will remove, or reduce, the element of subjectivity from the conclusions I arrive at in the name wars I construct and deconstruct. Well, here goes. (And here come the parameters.)

But before I go on, let me say this: nothing in this world is objective. Even quantifiable parameters will be subjective. Objectivity is an illusion. And yet, what parameters will do is reduce the feeling of subjectivity that anything without numbers comes attached with. That's the power, and the limitation, of numbers; they foster an impression that isn't necessarily true.

Speaking now of my parameters, they're not parameters. They're what I'd like to brand as 'Übermeters'. Why Übermeters? Because, like all good brands, these parameters must convey what is unique about them, which in this case, is a method I have come up with to compare brand names - a methodology I will proceed to expose you to, in part, in the paragraphs to follow.

In my experience some of the things that make a name memorable are how well it rolls of the tongue, how easy it is to read and spell and the kind of associations it makes people call upon. It's a proven fact that words with alternating vowel and consonant sounds are easier to pronounce and remember...on second thoughts, this is hard to do.

The way my mind works is not worth quantifying. Besides, I don't do this for a living. If someone were to come to me with a naming problem and was willing to pay me to solve it, I'll put down a complete list of Übermeters in a well-written and properly pdf'ed white paper with quantifyable reasons for recommending some names more than others.

Then again, what I will do for the benefit of Mr. Kite and other people who do take the trouble to kindly, patiently and not-so-religiously read this blog (for the fun of it) is put down the three basic Übermeters I evaluate names on and, then, tag a descriptive paragraph (or three) alongwith each name-war I set up in the posts to come.

The three Übermeters I'll expose to my audience to are the 'stop-start factor', the 'long and the short cut' and the 'story meme'. Each of these Übermeters will be on a scale of 1 to 10. As we go down the road of this naming trip, we'll see how well (or not) they work. Anyone who wishes to contribute to this metering scale is welcome to do so.

Caveat: Like everything else good and evolutionary, this is a work in progress. So help me dear non-creationist God.

Brandaclaus v/s Übermaniam

There's a feeling doing the rounds that Brandaclaus sounds like the brand name for someone who dishes out brand names and other happiness-inducing brand ideas for free. Kinda, like Santa Claus. Interestingly enough, Santa Claus doesn't give you anything for free. (Remember, you've got to be good to get something from Santa Claus)

Anyway, yours truly has decided to set the record straight once and for all by excising the cause of this misconception. Brandaclaus is now Übermaniam. Which brings me to what I enjoy doing most, comparing names. Who wins this brand war? For starters, we'll have to wait and see. But going by the Übermeters, here's how the two names compare.

Übermaniam does have a lot going for it. It's riffs, rather smartly (if I may say so myself), off one of the more popular family names in the world. It also incorporates a very powerful word 'Über' in the name. And it tries to set right the impression Brandaclaus wrongly conveys. Goodbye Brandaclaus. Long live Brandaclaus, as Übermaniam.

And what are the Übermeters? I'll do a separate post outlining the various issues I have taken into consideration while putting together the Übermeter. It will need some detailing and a little more space. Until that time and space comes, watch this space.